I went back and forth all day about making a post today because the truth is, for years I didn’t really like Mother’s Day. Truth be told, it probably won’t get posted until tomorrow. Mother’s Day has always been a day that brings a huge amount of anxiety for me for so many reasons. I was 14 when my mother took her last breath and since then it’s been a day I’ve avoided. I always volunteered to work, found something to keep me busy or anything to not acknowledge that the day actually existed. I found it exhausting to celebrate on a day that brought up such a significant loss. What girl doesn’t need her mom at the most pivotal part of adolescence?
My mom was all that and then some!!!
Man I wish so many more people had the opportunity to experience this woman. She was kind, generous, nurturing and fun. Man was my momma a good time. She didn’t play about me either.
Grief and Loss
It is safe to say that at some point in life we will or have experienced the five stages of grief and in no particular order. I for one never went through 1.Denial because I had seen enough reality to know my mother had transitioned. I knew the minute it happened, I could feel it and I can still hear my grandmothers scream like it was yesterday. 2. Anger,hell yeah I felt that but not until years later! We’ll come back to that part. 3. Never bargained with God/Universe,I grew up in church and was taught not to question God. 4. Depression, now that mother lover was in full force. Crazy part was at 15, losing my mother, moving to a new state and attending a new school, I learned early how to be a high functioning person who was depressed.
So here’s how I did it. I became hyper focused on being busy. Any club, school activity or extracurricular I was there. I even tried out for softball and I don’t even like the sport, lol. When I was able to work I did, so much so, that one summer I had two jobs. My new environment became like a bid at the state penitentiary in my mind and I just needed to make it to graduation. Boy was that far from the truth but I’ll talk about unresolved trauma and how it manifests in your adult relationships another day my loves. Let’s jump back to the anger part. I didn’t feel angry until I was an adult and had experienced some hard blows. I met wonderful girls who are now women that I call my sisters. I watched how they interacted with their mothers, took trips and just did mother daughter things and I became angry. I was angry that I was robbed of bonding with a person who I looked exactly like. I hated having to hear the famous “your mom was so this and she was so that”. My anger manifested in so many unhealthy ways until I was able to reach a different level of understanding.
5. ACCEPTANCE
I would say over the last decade I’ve been on a spiritual journey that has lead me to a different level of comprehension of the human experience. I’ve read enough and have experienced an awakening that I hope most people can come to before they transition from physical form. My experience with the sudden death of my mother is why I don’t hold grudges. That experience is the sole reason why I believe in telling people how you feel in the moment. I remember watching an interview with Lauren London and she discussed how Nipsey taught her to; “experience people”. “That you don’t own anyone“. When I heard that is resonated so well with where I was on my journey at the time. Learning to live in the now and experience those who’ve you crossed paths with. Trust me it’s a much more peaceful existence when you grasp this concept.
Navigating Your New Reality
You may be saying at this point where is sis going? Or you understand that this was a moment to share a story in hopes that it reached someone who could relate. Either way my hope is that you learn to deal with your loss. That you embrace that you may need to speak with a professional to fully process your feelings. I hope you learn how to find joy in the mist of grief. Remember all the moments you were able to share before their transition. Whether you’ve lost a mother or a child, find a way to approach the day with grace. Grace for yourself, because the loss is real. Grace for those around you, who want to support you and feel your presence today. For me I find joy in the universe aligning my mother’s decision to name my aunt my Godmother. Talk about taking on a role! Gratefulness in the universe aligning for me to be afforded the opportunity to have a bonus mom, who did the best she knew how under the circumstances. What I find the most comfort in, is that my mom is on the other side watching over me and my daughter. To my mommies with angel babies. Find solice in knowing that your child had a greater purpose. A purpose so great that they were needed in the spiritual realm. In honor of those we loved and lost.
Peace and Blessings 💫
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